The first principle of the 50 principles that opens the Course in Miracles is, "There is no order of difficulty in miracles."
I find myself repeating this to myself multiple times in the day. I find that I am often in need of a miracle. I talk to people who tell me what is going to happen if they... and I say to them all the time... you don't know what is going to happen. You cannot tell me what is going to happen 2 minutes from now, much less with your job or your relationship. But they are determined to tell me how they have tried it before and they "know" what will happen if they heed my advice. To this I reply, "there is no order of difficulty in miracles."
There are three components to fully understand this concept: Belief, Miracle, and Application
Only you can choose what you believe. Whatever you choose to believe is ok and whatever you choose to believe has its own path. For example, if you believe that this situation will never work out, that is your choice. And, there is a good chance that the situation will take a long time (maybe never) to work itself out. The truth is, you have no idea what will happen with the situation. It may seem bad now and get even worse, or it may miraculously get better. I don't know and neither do you. However, what you choose to believe is up to you. What I do know is that believing that things will work out; the Universe always has your back; people are inherently good and want to help you; the "good stuff" is better/more powerful than the "bad stuff" tends to have better overall life outcomes. In my own life, and when I talk to others, it amazes me how easy it is for us to believe the "bad stuff" and how we struggle to believe the "good stuff". What if you took on an experiment for 30 days to believe every little tiny, itsy bitsy thing that was happening to you was for your benefit - was somehow helping you in ways you can never imagine. After we, we have all had an experience (losing a job, terrible break up, health issues) that have lead to amazing life changes that were the "best thing" that ever happened to us. We have seen it with others - someone left someone and the person who was left did this 180 in life and is now the happiest they have ever been. Beauty born out of a perceived "tragedy". Remember - what you believe is up to you. For the next 30 days, believe it is ALL GOOD and see what happens.
What is a miracle?
When I was first getting started with a Course in Miracles, I kept experiencing these HUGE miracles and I would want to tell everyone about them. "You don't understand. I knew that I was not going to get this consulting job, because I screwed it up so badly, and then I got it!!" To which, everyone who knew me was like, "really, that's your miracle?". But it was. Because I knew. I knew how the trajectory was clearly going in one direction and how it did a big, huge uturn and went the other way. Frustratingly, I could not express it fully to another, but I knew. I knew how big it really was. Which leads to our definition of a miracle. What is a miracle?
A miracle is something that is beyond the possibility you have allowed for yourself.
- Lauri DeJulian
Think about it. It is only a miracle because you truly believed it could not be possible. It is beyond what you think is possible in any given moment. If someone is late all the time and they show up on time, we say, it is a "miracle" because we didn't think they could be on time if we paid them! If you get the contract, after you know the proposal was a hot mess, you think, "it is a miracle"! If she says yes to a second date, even though you were a fumbling fool on the first date, we think, "omg, it is a miracle". All of those things are beyond what we think is possible in that given moment. They are small but huge, because you know how impossible it seems and then it happened. Like how I showed up at Times Square at 10:30 on New Years Eve and got escorted to the main stage to watch the ball drop, though, everyone said, "if you are not there by 6 am you are not getting in" or the time I could not get tickets to see Vanessa Marcil in a play in LA and I flew out anyways, and sat outside the theater and that night two producers did not show up and I got first row seats and to got to meet her after the play. These were miracles - only I understand how impossible they were, but they happened. Like when you know how someone is going to react, because he always gets mad about... , and this time, he didn't. That is a true miracle.
Now, that we understand it is your choice to believe and that a miracle is simply something that is beyond the possibility you have allowed yourself. I invite you to use this mantra for the next 30 days, "there is no order of difficulty in miracles". Because there is not. At any time, no matter how sideways things are or are going, you can literally STOP the flow and change its direction completely by choosing to believe that, "there is no order of difficulty in miracles". One is not bigger or harder than the other, it is simply a different way to see the same situation. Once you are willing to be open to the situation changing completely, once you believe that is even possible, you make room for a miracle. You make room for a completely different outcome than what your "logical fight or flight brain" is telling you is possible. You allow the heart space to open and to connect to something much bigger than you. And, once you are connected, "there is no order of difficulty in miracles".
Ever since I have started this blog, I have posted a theme for the new year. Usually, by the day of ephiphany, the theme for the year is clear to me. This time, it was clear to me in December - this upcoming year is the year to care. What I have witnessed most this past year is how desparately people, everywhere, are dying to be cared about. I believe that the issues we see all around us come from a lack of caring. Not a lack of compassion or love, but a lack of understanding that to care includes seeing what is happening and then taking an action to acknowledge the situation.
When I think of how I most want to contribute to the world, I am clear that I want to help each person who crosses my path follow their heart's truest desire in serving each other and the world. I truly believe today, like I did my senior year in college, that if people were loving what they did everyday (at work) that would lead to loving homes and loving families. Since college, I have learned that if people are authentically serving, using their highest gifts, each day, that we would live in a world where war, diseases, hate, and stress would not rule. Each of us individually have a piece of the puzzle to a peaceful, healthy, happy world and only when we each come forward and fully express this piece of the puzzle will we get there. It won't work with one or two pieces, we need every piece of the puzzle to create the beautiful outcome we are hoping for.
In order to do this, each of us has to be able to look upon the current problems of the world, not in a depressed, hopeless, way but instead from the perspective of what do I have to contribute to make any one of these situations a little bit better? When you look around the world, it is clear that there are many different places to contribute - you could contribue to people having clean water to drink, mental health, animal welfare, supporting children with schools, health breakthroughs, building houses for earthquake victims, creating toiletrie kits for homeless people, providing needed health care, getting involved in a political organization, or anything else you can think of. In 2017, I urge you to find your cause. Something much, much, much bigger than you, your family, your community and your corner of the world. Something where you are simply a helper- you are adding a drop in a bucket. You don't have to start a new cause (though, you can if you want), just find a way to contribute to causes already started that are helping others. This part is important - choose one, not 20. There are millions that can use your support, and you absolutely can help them all over time, but choose the one you want to make your focus and ensure whichever one you choose is 100% aligned with your heart. In that heart alignment, the one drop you put in the bucket, will be magnified hundreds of times over.
Second, be present for each person you interact with. While it is wonderful to be helping causes all over the world, the true reason to do that is to clear your heart and make you stronger. I read a book, Purification of the Heart, by Hamza Yusuf, where he talked about how feelings of guilt, anger, resentment, etc create a hard crust on your heart (hard-hearted) and that only by doing things that increase peace, love, forgiveness can you remove these hard pieces. The only reason you are doing anything is to become the person you are capable of being. That thought will keep you very humble. It is not about what "we" are doing for "them" but about how contributing to this situation is making me a better human being. With this perspective, you are grateful for each person you have helped, because you received a great gift in the ability to be of service to them. I read on a church sign yesterday, "the currency of love to a child - your time". We all need each others time. We need those that disagree with us the most to hear our point of view and listen in a non-judgmental way. Instead of asking that from others, be that for others. In 2017, make yourself the commitment that you will take the time to listen and "see" at least one person each day that crosses your path. It sounds so easy and what you may find is how often you are floating through life with your awareness on your smart phone or thinking about the past or future and missing the present moment. See if you can be present one time each day to whoever is in front of you (whether you like them or not). And, bonus, if you can do something to make their life 1% better (which may just be a smile, a compliment, helping them, holding their hand, listening without judgement). It does not have to be big - your presence is the greatest gift you can give anyone in your life.
I have learned that being sincerely present to others is a cure all. If you are lonely, volunteer at a senior center. If you are angry, work with people who have medical disabilities or are dying. If you are sad, spend time with children. Use your emotion to spur you into giving. Make your heartache your inspiration to create something that serves others. I believe it is being made clear to each of us as we look upon the state of our individual homes, our neighborhoods, our countries, and our world, that there is no time left to think about whether or not we want to stand up and contribute our piece of the puzzle. I belive it is clear that the time to think about should I do what I love or should I keep my 9-5 because I am not sure, etc, etc is over. The world needs you. You are the missing piece that the world is waiting for and, we are all in this togther. Your piece connects to mine, which connects to another. If we are all willing to contribute our piece, we are no longer one little puzzle piece, by ourselves in a big, overwhelming world, but part of the most beautiful picture and amazing story of true peace and love for all. I hope you will join me in 2017 to bring more true care into the world. Together, we are the solution to all the things that sit heavy on our hearts.
Namaste - the light in me salutes the light in you. I know that when we use our light to light the candle of another, we lose none of our own light, we multiple the light of the world.
We have all heard the saying, "the truth shall set you free". And, I wholeheartedly agree that that is true. When we can figure out what the truth is and have the courage to tell it, it will most definitely set you free. I am on a truth quest in my life right now. From as early as I can remember, I was very in touch with my truth, as children often are. And, as the youngest, with two older sisters, an extrovert, and a Libra (we balance everything), I was confident in telling the truth. Until the bad things started happening... until I told the truth at a party in front of people and embarrassed my parents, or told the truth about a family situation in my extended family which lead to marital tensions, or the worst case, when I told the truth outside an ice cream shop that lead to the immediate divorce of a new marriage. The truth, as simple as it always seemed, seem to be very complicated when other people had to hear it.
I co-created a group called Being Present to Serve, which focuses on how to manifest money by just showing up, being present to what is in front of you, and finding a way to make the situation 1% better. The group has been very successful and as I reflect on those concepts, I realize that the reason it is so successful is because it has the key ingredient to everything - connection.
When people talk about Near Death Experiences or healing themselves from life-treatening diseases, they have a single theme that runs through their experience - connection.
2016 has been quite a year. After September 11th, I decided to take a leave of absence from my very successful consulting work to study International Conflict Resolution. I felt like I had to do something to make the world a better place - I was feeling completely disconnected from everything. After a very painful few months hearing about every conflict around the globe, I was completely depressed and felt hopeless. I could not see how I could stand up against governments, personal interests, and groups who did not care about doing the right thing or helping one another. I was so upset, that I literally gave up. One of the things I teach is the power of giving up. I love the line from Nothing Stays the Same by Carly Simon, "there is more room in a broken heart". From the place of being broken-hearted, I made a decision. I decided that I could not take on the problems of the world, of any one group, of my country, my state, my city or my county, but what I could do was be the beacon of hope, love, light and peace in my tiny, seemingly insignificant, circle. And, that maybe, if I was good or helpful to one person in that circle, they would go on to cure cancer or broker peace in the middle east. From that moment on, that became my mission.
I went for my daily walks in my very non-reach-out-and-touch-someone neighborhood and widely smiled and said "hi" to each person I passed- most of whom were engrossed in phone conversations, their ipod (it was a while ago), and; most of whom completely ignored me. I waved at passing cars (also, not done in that neighborhood). I baked cookies for neighbors for no reason. And, I found ways to be kind to my family and friends. And, that was it. From there, I was given opportunities to serve on boards in the county and eventually, represent our state in creating policies of inclusiveness. It all started from being kind to my family and friends, and friendly on walks in the neighborhood.
This holiday season, if you are feeling sad, alone, unsettled in any way, I ask you to try something new. First, love your broken heart - they are the biggest gifts for creating change that you could ever ask for. Second, go do for others. Whatever you can - drop quarters near gumball machines at the grocery store, leave a treat on your neighbors doorstep, pick up the phone and call someone who had a tough year and let them know you are thinking of them this holiday season. As I posted in the quote, sometimes the smallest thing you do, make the biggest difference to someone else. In my experience, I found the cure for my saddest moments came from being of service to someone else. The world needs you right now. The you, that you are, in this moment. Not the successful you, the thinner you, the happier you, it needs the broken-hearted you to sit and cry with. And, if you are loving life right now - reach out and touch someone too! Because it wasn't that long ago that you were broken hearted. Pray for others to have the thing you want the most - if you wish your parents were still with you this season, or your spouse, or that you had your health, then pray that all the people around you that "seem" so unbeliveably happy, have good health, and enjoy the time with their loved ones. It is amazing the power of connecting - the power of giving to others that which we desparately want.
From my heart to yours, happy holidays. And, on December 25th, when Christians will be celebrating Christmas and the Jews will be celebrating Hannukah, know that over 1/3 of the world's population will be in a place of peace and prayer... regardless of what your religion is, what a great day to join in the feeling of peace, love, and hope. Together, we can add to the world frequency of love and peace and intend 2017 to be the year when things get better for all.
I started to feel like things were getting hard. And, if you know that feeling, it is not a good feeling - it is icky. And, I am all about Easy. I kept asking myself, "how could this be easier?" and while I came up with a long list of ways to make it easier, none of them sounded fun, and they were all work! Totally the opposite of what I teach, 0% effort, 100% return. I knew hard wasn't right, ick was definitely nor right, "I have to get this done" was the wrong path. I came up with my how to make it easy...
Here are my top five ways on how to make anything easy:
1. Ask yourself, "what if this was easy?" - I know it sounds simple, but it is so often forgotten. I remember once I talked to a wise spiritual woman and she illuminated for me that all the forgiveness work I had done towards my ex, actually now needed to be directed to my ex's new girlfriend. I deflated. Years of work and now I have to start all over again :( I was telling my friend about it, and she said, write a forgiveness letter before bed and set the intention that when you wake up, she will be forgiven. That's it, I thought? That's easy! Guess what... it was!
2. Let your subconcious mind figure it out for you- You know how they always say your mind is a powerful thing... well, it is! And, it is a problem-solving GENIUS! It can find solutions you would have never thought of - all you got to do is give it a good problem to solve. Try some of these - "Mind - how can I LOVE what I do for a living?". "Mind - show me how to bring $10,000 easily and effortlessly in my life?" "Mind - show me the best way to handle this very delicate situation." And, guess what, it will. All it requires is for you to ask your mind to show you instead of getting wrapped up in your mind to find the answer. Here's the difference - use the mind as an external tool that you delegate solving the problem too, instead of sitting inside your mind and thinking of possible solutions. You know how when you can't remember someone's name and then you walk away and do something else and voila, you remember thier name. That is because your sub-concious mind was working on that "problem" the whole time, while your concious mind was rocking out to Taylor Swift!
3. Command it into Being (i.e., say it IS so) - Deciding is one of the MOST powerful things you can ever do. You can decide things work for you or they don't. You can decide people like you or you can decide they don't. You can decide money easily flows into your life of you can decide it doesn't. Deciding is powerful. Remember when you made an important decision. Remember how it felt. When you truly decide, you decide. You don't think what if, or should I have, you decide and you move forward confidently. Many of us decide and 30 seconds later, un-decide, then 30 seconds later decide differently. DECIDE that whatever you are working through will be easy, will come to you in an unexpected magical way, and will be taken care of for you!
4. Let it GO (or, Let Go and Let God)! Do you remember a time when something really "bad" happened to you and now it is one of the best things that could have ever happened to you? That happens all the time. So you are in a yucky job, or your health isn't great, you know what, thinking about how terrible that is, just makes it worse! Hand over all the ickiness of the situation (and you can call it icky) to your higher self / higher power / Universe /God and say, "Take this icky mess, I am done with it and transform it into something awesome". To transform your hard stuff into easy stuff, you have to let it go and separate it from yourself. The hard stuff is not true. It is not you. And, it is not what the Universe wants for you. It is not your karma. It is not something you deserve. It is something that is happening and can be transformed perfectly, in perfect timing, in the perfect way - but you gotta hand it over first!
5. Nurture your JOY! Want to make it really easy? Go do something FUN! Yup, you heard me. Stop working, stop typing, stop jornaling, stop thinking and get up, move your body and do something you LOVE to do! Paint, draw, spend time with people you love, watch an old movie on tv, take a nap, go for a walk, get yourself a yummy cup of hot cocoa (or better yet, a cupcake) and make yourself happy! Your vibration is EVERYTHING. Want it to work out quickly - douse it in joy and it'll happen quicker than you can imagine!
We are doing Joy Challenge again this year! If you want to join us for our 2017 Joy Challenge on how to make it easy with 0% effort, 100% return, you can sign up here!
I, like many others, have been highly impacted by our recent presidential election. I was excited when I was voting for Barrack Obama for many reasons, but the biggest reason of all was his platform of hope. I was excited for a president who moved from you are either with us or against us to a message of "Yes, we can" and "Together, we can".
I was not like many others - I always knew that Donald Trump had a good chance to win. While I hoped he would not, I knew it was a real possibility. Now that it has happened, as a spiritual person, the question is what does this mean and what is my lesson in all of this.
The first lesson in his winning is one of compassion and love for our fellow man. Ask yourself, as I am asking myself, where do I have judgment of those who voted for Trump? Where do I have judgment of Trump? Where is it my duty to speak my truth and where have I crossed the line to bad behavior? These are questions that can help put the focus where it should be - on how we can use this to be more loving. In a Course in Miracles, it states, everything is either love or a call for love. This election is a call for love - for each of us, regardless of your side. And, as a country, we are not responding with love, but with fear (which includes anger and hurt). Instead, see this election for what it truly is - a call for a large number of Americans for love.
As I read the facebook comments from those that supported Trump, I hear a group of people who feel attacked, pushed out and marginalized. In their moment of victory, they feel like the have done something "wrong". I was talking to a couple, both of whom voted for Trump, and they asked if I was going to vote for him. When I explained that I am Muslim, so therefore, I really could not in any kind of good conscious vote for him, they seemed confused. They did not see how my being Muslim had anything to do with Trump. For all of us that are highly fearful for what will come of us and all of the progress that we felt we had made for being American, just like everyone else, I see that those that supported Trump did not vote against us, they voted for him.
As for consequences, I am not naïve. When we allow the kind of rhetoric that has started already, there is no good place for that to go. But, let me call first and foremost on myself, and then each of us, to not take part of that rhetoric in the opposite direction. One of my favorite quotes is from Buddha who says, Hate is never ended by hate, but by love. I am asking myself right now, have I been loving enough? And, where can I bring more love to this situation.
When we bring love to a situation, the person we heal is ourselves. Today, I offer a remedy for the feeling of grief, the fear for the future, and the feeling like you are alone - you are not. Each person around you, regardless of who they voted for and the reasons they chose to vote for that person, is feeling alone, sad and fearful for the future. We all share that together. That situation always calls for love. When your child comes to you and says, I hurt myself, you do not push them away, but instead pull them close and offer to kiss their boo boo. Each of us is looking for our thoughts and feelings to be heard and validated - instead of being the one who asks for that today, be the one who gives that to another today.
This month I am focused on gratitude and generosity. I invite each of you to join me in giving more of yourself and your love to those around you. It is so needed. And, look for someone, who feels differently from you, and especially reach out to them and give more kindness. The result is the America that we all want and love. Remember, grace heals and hope floats.
"If I could just get my hands on a 16 year old, I would tell them how easy it is to start your own business, make money, and pay for your own college education."
This was the conversation I was having this morning. All the things I know now that I wish I knew so much earlier in life.
You see, I did not grow up in an affluent home, though, we always had enough. I remember worrying as a child that we would not have enough money for food because my mom would count out pennies to pay for our groceries and I often got told "no" when I picked out ice cream and sugary cereals that we just had to buy. I had no concept of health back then, so I assumed it had to do with the fact that Cocoa Pebbles cost more than the plain-old-boring Corn Flakes. I had no idea. My father has worried about money at least daily every day of his life, while I guarantee you, he has more than enough. But that is his life story from another time and another era. My grandmother never threw away napkins that were "partially" used because that would be wasteful.
All of these parts of my story is why I would love to get my hands on someone who has not fully developed their "money story". Because your money story directly impacts how much money you have.
My money story was not great as a kid, but I was tenacious. I sold girl scout cookies, determined to lead my troop in sales, and then found a stationary sales when I was in Junior High and High School. Even my lemonade stand made great money. And, here is why. Because I knew what I wanted to accomplish in sales and I used a number of methods to get there - when someone zigged, I zagged. When what worked in the morning, didn't work in the afternoon, I changed strategies. And, through all of this, I kept thinking, "what do people need right now that I can provide". And, it worked!
Now, many moons later, this is what I LOVE to do for a living. I love to help people learn how to authentically, through being of service, zig and zag to ensure they can get their service, skills, and products out to the world in a way that will serve and uplift.
I am thrilled to offer these services to so many amazing people. Each person has an idea, a vision, a thought inside of them that they want to bring to the world. Many people are already doing this, because they can't not do it, but they are not making any money doing that. In truth, what you bring to the world is needed . If it is needed, then you need to be able to eat and live and support your family. Making money by offering your passion is not selfish, it is an honor. The honor that we have to live in this world and to bring our gifts to the world, and to be able to support ourselves by doing that. That is what we have created at Being Present to Serve, a facebook group, where we teach people how to zig and zag to abundant success. I say abundant success because there is a feeling of successful fulfillment when you give of yourself to the world and are sincerely rewarded for doing so. Click here to learn more about Being Present to Serve.
I am one month from my 40th birthday and started to think about what I have accomplished in life and what I really want to accomplish in life. I find myself saying, I always wanted to... and then what I say next is so simple and so easy, that the natural response is, well, why don't you just go do that? In my facebook group, Adventures with Amina, the theme for the month of October is "Bucket List". My dear friend, Candice Carlton was talking to me about her new project and commented, that most of the things on people's bucket list are *easy* to do... so why don't we do them?
As a coach, the first thing I always ask my client (as soon as I have determined their love language), is what do you want? In most cases, this leads to a conversation about everything that is not working in their life, i.e., everything they do not want. I say to them, I see what you do not want, but what do you want? The idea of clarity on what we want in life seems so obvious, but for so many of us, myself included, it can be mysterious and confusing. I believe that most of us, at some point, knew exactly what we wanted, but then external forces pushed us to re-think, re-consider, or just plain, give up what we really wanted. And, for us Type A folks, there is added pressure of am I sure I am going to want this forever?
This month, I am encouraging all my readers to sit with the question, what do I want? And see what comes up. This is especially meaningful today on September 11th. I have a friend who lost a loved one on 9/11. He said something to me that I will never forget. He told a story about something she really wanted and she did prior to that day and said, "life is short, if you want to get something (or do something), you shouldn't wait." Yet, so many of us are waiting. And, it is nebulous what we are waiting for... time, more money, better health, kids to grow up, etc. There will always be something - we all know that. We have to make the time to live right now.
Here is your Amina's 40th Birthday exercise:
1. Pull out your bucket list or Create your bucket list.
2. Evaluate what you have on there and see if they still fit. Remove anything that doesn't get you excited anymore. It is ok to take it off... I give you permission to change your mind :)
3. Re-create your bucket list in the following format:
- column 1: #
- column 2: Item you want to do
- column 3: Is it easy, medium or hard to achieve
- column 4: does it require money (i.e., more than a "normal or within budget amount". For example if one item is visiting your family and you normally have money for travel each year, this would be blank. If an item is a Mediterranean cruise that you need to save up for, then put a "$" to indicate you would need to plan for extra funds).
- column 5: is it something you can do by yourself or do you need to enroll others to support you / go with you / etc
- column 6: If you had to, could you do it today (i.e., could you make a plan and begin execution today). For example, one of my bucket list items is to go to a Notre Dame football game in South Bend. I could buy tickets, make hotel arrangements, etc for that right now, so I would put a "Y" in that column.
Once your bucket list is updated and ready to plan, join us at Adventures with Amina where the entire month of October we are going to be encouraging one another to start doing our bucket list activities. And, since it is my birthday month, there are going to be all kinds of other fun things going on over there (you all know how I roll...)
In closing, I want to remind you all on the power of deciding what you want. Clarity is magical by itself. Once you know what you want, every one of your brain cells lines up to make it possible. You have a huge force that is either managed and working for you or spinning in circles - your brain. Once you get clear on what you want, your conscious and sub-conscious and well, super-conscious parts of your brain line up to show you opportunities that have already existed but you have not seen before. Your entire army (I.e., your brain) will be out there finding ways to make the list a possibility and I know with my heart, we are going to have some miracles this month. My definition of a miracle - that which is beyond your ability to believe is possible. I invite you to join me in getting clear on what you want and allowing the miracles to unfold!
I spend a lot of time giving advice. And, everything I say is really obvious. The person I am talking to has at some point or another heard everything I am about to say, but, they are stuck. Emotions have risen to the surface and any chance of remembering anything in their self-preservation toolkit has totally gone out the window.
And, that is totally ok. Because, that is how it goes sometimes!
What do you do when you are in a tail spin and cannot seem to get your grip, well, most of us grip on harder, which only makes the situation worse! Here is what I do when things get super bad and I have emotional amnesia to every skill, every coaching method, and every tool in my toolbox.
Step 1: Acknowledge what is happening and stop fighting it (instead get fascinated by it). This is what this looks like. “Wow.. I am really upset right now! I feel like crap. I want to do something about it but I am so upset I don’t even know what to do. Help! I need help! Wow… I am feeling totally out of control! I choose not to feel this way. Ick – I really do feel this way. Isn’t that interesting. That ______ is really being unkind to me! I do not deserve that! I want this feeling to stop! Wow… I am really angry right now!”
Step 2: Ask yourself, “What can I do right now to make this a tiny bit better for myself?” You have a toolkit full of great ways to support yourself, but in emotional highjack your brain may not be able to sort through the tools and find the perfect one for this situation. In those times use your “go-to” tools. My go-to tools are 1) going for a walk 2) calling a friend 3) taking a bath or 4) journaling. If it is really bad, I will get into bed and watch an old episode of a favorite show. That at least distracts me long enough to come back to center.
Step 3: Build a supportive community around you. Not everyone is the best person to go for for every problem. There are some that you may want to discuss with a family member, because you know you will get the best, most loving support there. Others, you may want to take to a facebook group because you know you will get the best support there. And, some you may only take to your most trusted companions. And, there will be others that may be best served by a coach or therapist. The key here is to have those various support systems and to know that no one support system is perfect for everything. At the end of the day, it is only you who can shift how you are feeling, but knowing who can help you remember who you really are in this situation is key!
Step 4: It’s not a BIG DEAL! This too shall pass. Remember the last time you were sure you could not go one more day at this job? In this relationship? With your bank account balance being what it is. And, guess what, you survived. Reminding yourself that you have survived so much worse and that this too shall pass helps put the issue at hand in perspective.
Step 5: Develop a consistent practice. If you have a consistent law of attraction practice or spiritual practice, then your body will go into auto pilot and that will kick in when you need it the most. I could do a whole post on this step alone but the basic premise is there is always a balance between discipline and flow. You should engage in a new practice daily for at least 30 days to build up discipline (in some cases a year to build up discipline). Once you have that discipline, keep the practice up but understand that if you change it up one day or miss it, you have built enough of a muscle that it is not gone. I see people get too disciplined and miss the forest for the trees and others never commit enough to build the muscle. It is a fine balance. It is like eating healthy – you have to commit and do it for a long time to build up the discipline, but then you can have a bite or two of something and know that your body can handle it. It is just hard to do that on day 2 of a new way of eating and much easier to handle of day 350. The discipline gives you the confidence to flow with the present moment.
These five steps will help you increase your own self love. That is really the end goal to any of these disturbances to know and love yourself through them. They will continue to come up, but the more you practice the five steps above the better you will feel. When we have emotional amnesia, we are really saying, I cannot remember how to love myself in this situation. Knowing this is part of the process and allowing it to be is a step to greater peace. My wish for you is the opportunity to build up your self love during your periods of emotional amnesia!
Hi! Welcome to my blog, Lunch with Cinderella. I love writing about my life experiences and the fact that they may help spur some cool experiences of your own. If you are here, leave a comment... I read them all and love hearing from you!
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