I spend a lot of time giving advice. And, everything I say is really obvious. The person I am talking to has at some point or another heard everything I am about to say, but, they are stuck. Emotions have risen to the surface and any chance of remembering anything in their self-preservation toolkit has totally gone out the window.
And, that is totally ok. Because, that is how it goes sometimes!
What do you do when you are in a tail spin and cannot seem to get your grip, well, most of us grip on harder, which only makes the situation worse! Here is what I do when things get super bad and I have emotional amnesia to every skill, every coaching method, and every tool in my toolbox.
Step 1: Acknowledge what is happening and stop fighting it (instead get fascinated by it). This is what this looks like. “Wow.. I am really upset right now! I feel like crap. I want to do something about it but I am so upset I don’t even know what to do. Help! I need help! Wow… I am feeling totally out of control! I choose not to feel this way. Ick – I really do feel this way. Isn’t that interesting. That ______ is really being unkind to me! I do not deserve that! I want this feeling to stop! Wow… I am really angry right now!”
Step 2: Ask yourself, “What can I do right now to make this a tiny bit better for myself?” You have a toolkit full of great ways to support yourself, but in emotional highjack your brain may not be able to sort through the tools and find the perfect one for this situation. In those times use your “go-to” tools. My go-to tools are 1) going for a walk 2) calling a friend 3) taking a bath or 4) journaling. If it is really bad, I will get into bed and watch an old episode of a favorite show. That at least distracts me long enough to come back to center.
Step 3: Build a supportive community around you. Not everyone is the best person to go for for every problem. There are some that you may want to discuss with a family member, because you know you will get the best, most loving support there. Others, you may want to take to a facebook group because you know you will get the best support there. And, some you may only take to your most trusted companions. And, there will be others that may be best served by a coach or therapist. The key here is to have those various support systems and to know that no one support system is perfect for everything. At the end of the day, it is only you who can shift how you are feeling, but knowing who can help you remember who you really are in this situation is key!
Step 4: It’s not a BIG DEAL! This too shall pass. Remember the last time you were sure you could not go one more day at this job? In this relationship? With your bank account balance being what it is. And, guess what, you survived. Reminding yourself that you have survived so much worse and that this too shall pass helps put the issue at hand in perspective.
Step 5: Develop a consistent practice. If you have a consistent law of attraction practice or spiritual practice, then your body will go into auto pilot and that will kick in when you need it the most. I could do a whole post on this step alone but the basic premise is there is always a balance between discipline and flow. You should engage in a new practice daily for at least 30 days to build up discipline (in some cases a year to build up discipline). Once you have that discipline, keep the practice up but understand that if you change it up one day or miss it, you have built enough of a muscle that it is not gone. I see people get too disciplined and miss the forest for the trees and others never commit enough to build the muscle. It is a fine balance. It is like eating healthy – you have to commit and do it for a long time to build up the discipline, but then you can have a bite or two of something and know that your body can handle it. It is just hard to do that on day 2 of a new way of eating and much easier to handle of day 350. The discipline gives you the confidence to flow with the present moment.
These five steps will help you increase your own self love. That is really the end goal to any of these disturbances to know and love yourself through them. They will continue to come up, but the more you practice the five steps above the better you will feel. When we have emotional amnesia, we are really saying, I cannot remember how to love myself in this situation. Knowing this is part of the process and allowing it to be is a step to greater peace. My wish for you is the opportunity to build up your self love during your periods of emotional amnesia!
As a person who loves spirituality, ceremony, learning and participating in every religion and group, I often times find myself “celebrating” spiritual days for other religions and soaking up the benefits of them as I know a group of people around the world are doing the same. Whether it is chanting from the Baghavad Gita in the woods of Florida; doing a native American sweat in a tent of a friend’s backyard; creating miracles in my life during Hanukkah about how I can experience the oil lasting for 12 days; or celebrating the Epiphany with my own, I have always loved a good spiritual practice. Because each of those events have hundreds of thousands or millions of people celebrating around the world and being in that juicy energy with that many people holding a positive intention is the perfect place for me to be!
With that in mind, I thought, how would I invite my non-Muslim, spiritual-loving friends to celebrate Ramadan with me? When I was younger, my friends used to try fasting for a day with me and while an interesting life experience, any Muslim can tell you fasting for a day is torture but by the time you do 4 or 5 in a row, it becomes a lot easier (though, still hard). But Ramadan is not about the fasting. Fasting is a vehicle for the deep spiritual work. And, just as I do not necessarily go to Jewish services in Hanukkah to get the benefit of the spiritual work, you do not have to fast to get the spiritual benefit of Ramadan. Here are the 5 spiritual practices that you can bring into your life for the next 30 days to experience the essence of Ramadan.
Hi! Welcome to my blog, Lunch with Cinderella. I love writing about my life experiences and the fact that they may help spur some cool experiences of your own. If you are here, leave a comment... I read them all and love hearing from you!
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