Living with a Muggle

The hardest part about writing this post, was coming up with the title.  I have been asked quite a bit lately for support by people, because their Significant Other, or Best Friend, or Parent, or, someone else close to them, thinks they are NUTS for believing in manifesting, law of attraction, etc to solve ACTUAL problems.  They come for validation.  They also may come secretly for the, "so there" to these people in their lives.  I thought... why not write about how to handle situations when the one you love does not see what you see. 

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I write a lot about changing other people's behavior, which cracks me up, because, we all know... you can't.  But... you kind of can.  Let me explain.  Newton's third law of physics states, "for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction".  That is what I will use to walk through the process to change someone else's behavior.

In every interaction you have, the person you are interacting with is, reacting to you.  

Other Person + You = Interaction Outcome

In order to change the outcome of the interaction, either you or the other person have to change.  And, since you can control your behavior, we focus on changing the variable that is YOU.  When we do this, the following will happen, either the other person will change, or, the interaction outcome will change, or... BOTH will change.  Here is how you get BOTH to change.

1.  Allow the other person to be right.  I will be brief on this one, but it could be its own post.  If you honestly think about it, no one really ever thinks they are the one that is wrong, in the moment.  (We can see it after the fact, or sometimes we can see it in the moment, but most of the time, people truly believe they did what they had to do and were right to do it).  So, your love, DOES NOT think they are wrong.  And, they DO think YOU are wrong!  There is a saying that I love, would you rather be right or happy?  Many of us, may say, happy, but in reality, our behavior chooses being right over happy most of the time. 

Let's use an example of this.  "This LOA stuff is good for finding parking spaces, but we have real financial issues that need you to take action!".  Your response, "you are right".  I can feel some people cringing at that response.  That is it?  But, I do not agree!  When do I tell them how truly WRONG they are?

Here is the truth.  They are right, by their perspective.  Allowing someone to have their perspective is a huge gift and the number one way to lower resistance to hearing your perspective.  If they believe that statement, then, by their life experience, they are right.  Let them have it.  This will not result in hours of stress reduction for you, but is a KEY component in shifting the outcome of the formula above.  Your new affirmation, "I love letting other people be right" (because I know I benefit)!

2.  Ask for the Guidance.  There are no accidents in the School of Life.  We are all students on our own, unique spiritual path.  And, this person, whether you love them or have only interacted with them one time, is your teacher.  They are there to allow you to truly learn a life lesson that is trying to get through to you.  This is not the first time this lesson has come up, and unfortunately, if you resist, it will not be the last time.  I tell my coaching clients, "let's learn it this time and never have to deal with it again". 

For this step, get quiet, go inside, and ask:

• What is this person here to teach me?
  
• What am I not seeing that you are trying to show me?
  
• How can I move forward with love in this lesson? 
  

Wait to hear each answer and know that you are healing a pattern that is no longer serving you. 

3.  Be Loving to Them.  When we go to someone with our idea or thoughts, we want their love and support.  We are reaching out to them.  When we do not get it, we withhold our love.  We believe our pain comes from them withholding love from us.  In reality, your pain comes from withholding love from them.

When your love disagrees with you, pour more love onto them.  Be a good partner to them, by listening to their perspective and ideas and validating them.  Ask them:

• Why do you think that way?  What is your rationale?
  
• What are you concerned about in the approach I am suggesting?  What are you worried may happen to me?
  
• What do you think would be a smart way forward and why?
  
• What parts of my approach do you think could work and how?
  

The truth is this person loves you.  More than likely, they are worried about your path and afraid you will get hurt or they will get hurt.  They are in a protective stance.  By hearing them out and validating them, you create a lot more space for the change.

4.  Walk the Talk.  This is the HARDEST one!  I know, they are all challenging!  At the end of the day, if you want to be a loving being, then, be that to the people closest to you.  I would never recommend starting with the people closest to you, because it is the most challenging.  It is much easier to be loving and kind to a stranger than your significant other, children, parents.  Basically, the people you love the most in the world and would die for - but also like to get annoyed at on a regular basis.

Here is how you walk the talk:

• Take big, long, time outs for yourself.  Your only job is to stay in a state of peace.  This means, remembering who you are and why you are here.  Take the time you need to get back to a state of peace before taking any action.
  
• Remember who you are.  You know some stuff.  You have had some life experiences.  You believe in miracles and magic.  And, you know this works.  That is who you really are.  It is important to KNOW IT.  When you KNOW who you are, there is no need to prove anything to anyone... that just seems nuts.  Like, if I know for a fact I can walk - I do not constantly yell out, "look!! I'm walking!  Watch me walk!".  If you have to announce it, then you are not remembering who you are and OWNING it.  Take the time to center and remember who you are and what you are capable of doing.
  
• Forgive them.  They may have underestimated you.  They may not believe in you.  They may have said x, y, or z.  The truth is, they were never really looking at you, they were projecting their own self perception.  It was never really about you in the first place.  So, forgive them.  Be compassionate towards them. 
  
• Take confident steps forward.  If you are feeling unsure of taking a step, wait.  Check in.  Ask, "am I feeling this way because it is new and I am nervous or, is there still something I need to do to be at peace?" 
  

I had to take a hard step for me this week.  It took me four days of practicing the above before I could take the tiniest step forward.  This is the work, and it works.  The outcome I got was magical.  I put in the self work to get to the magical outcome.  I invite you to try this practice with someone you care about this week.  Shift your energy.  Shift your perception.  Shift your attitude.  And... watch THEM change :)