tree of knowledge

"I just want to knnnooowww", I find myself saying, often, in a whiny voice.  I really just want to know.  Why is that so hard?  I want to know if it is going to rain tomorrow, so I can decide what I want to do.  I want to know who will be at the event, so I can decide what I need to prepare.  I just want to know.  I don't feel like this is too much to ask for.  And, I feel like it is so normal to want to know, to plan, and honestly, to control.

Then, I read something that stopped me cold in my tracks.  Wanting to know.  Wanting to eat from the Tree of Knowledge.  I started to reflect on the story of Adam.  Adam, in Heaven, in perfection, not in need of anything, in perfect bliss, and then a little voice whispered, "yeah, this is good, but want to see how it can be better?  All you have to do is know what you don't know now and then you will actually be happy."  Wow.  That kind of sounds like me.  I am perfectly happy, content, and life is good, and then something happens, not a big something, a little something, and I just "have to know" what I don't know now.  Isn't this such a part of the human predicament?  Wanting to know.

When I started to see the connection to Adam, being in Heaven (perfect peace, perfect bliss) and the Tree of Knowledge, I started to understand exactly how detrimental it is to our Soul to "just want to know."  When we say, "we just want to know", what we are actually saying is, that we do not trust in the perfection of God's plan for us in this moment.  We are pulling ourselves out of Heaven and in essence, creating our own Hell.  Because, when you just want to know how the story is going to end, and you cannot, no matter what you do, it is a form of hell.  And, this may just be the whole purpose of life.  I am not sure... haven't gotten that far, I am still blown away by the desire to want to know.  What if the purpose of life was to trust that every interaction, every experience, every moment was perfect in its creation and execution?  What if we believed that we are actually in a state of Heaven right now or at least can be in that state in our mind, right now?  

The last few weeks I have been practicing non-suffering.  Regardless of what happens, I have chosen not to suffer.  And, y'all, some not so fun things have happened.  Just earlier today, I shed a few tears when someone "blew me off" (in my perception) instead of embraced and welcomed me.  But, as I allowed myself a moment to feel the feelings, I reminded myself, I don't have to tell this story.  I don't have to suffer.  As you all know, and would tell me if you were in front of me, maybe she x or maybe y, but probably not "blew you off", and that could be my truth, if I want to choose to be happy.  And, I do want to choose to be happy.  In truth, I will never know.  No matter what I do, I will not know if she was blowing me off or if I just happened to catch her at an odd moment.  I will not know.  I cannot know.  And, then the question becomes, can I be happy without knowing?  Will I choose the story that brings me grief or the story that uplifts me?  And, most importantly, can I, in this moment, remember who I really am and know that no matter what I experience with another person, it does not, will not, and cannot change who I am fundamentally - a beautiful, loving, creation of God.

Next time, you find yourself saying, "I just want to know".  Try this practice instead and see how it feels"

1.  I do know.  I know that I am always guided to the best possible path for my greatest soul development and the greatest soul development of everyone around me.  I welcome the next step in my journey.
2.  I will not choose suffering.  I will not create stories that hurt me.  I will choose to tell the true story, the story that reminds me of the truth of myself.
3.  I know what experience I want to create.  I want to create the experience of connection, of love, of joy and of peace.  I know that my intention to create this experience will lead me the people, places, and events that will support this part of my journey.

I find for me, this practice helps me breathe a little easier and releases the grip of "needing to know" and especially, "needing to know, right now!".  It helps me float into the space of pure faith and trust in the Higher Power.  The place where I know what I need to know, that this can be as good as I am willing to allow it to be.  

I love Anita Moorjani and her recent book, What if this is Heaven, is phenomenal.  It talks about how every life experience can be seen through the eyes of perfection.  What if we let the power that turned the acorn into an Oak Tree and an embryo into a baby be in charge of our lives?  What if we let that All-Knowing power decide if what is happening (or what will happen) is for our best, instead of planning, organizing and determining.  What would you do with all that free time of not worrying, planning, or scheming to control a future, that you never had the ability to control, no matter how wonderful, brilliant, hard working and dedicated you are?  I have been writing more.  Another chapter for a book, blog posts, and new stories about my life. It is amazing what we can use our creative energy to do when we are not busy trying to "know".