I am a recovering control-freak. And, though, I am not sure you can recover from this condition, I take minuscule, almost non-noticeable baby-steps in the direction of Trust. The other day, I was in a tough situation. I am sure you can relate to this, needing to be in two places at the same time. The place where you want to be and the place where you need to be in order to keep all havoc from breaking loose, or at least, being able to quickly get things back on track when they go off track. I was anxious. I was nervous. I had to trust someone to handle something who had a so-so track record.
As I drove away from one event, leaving it in, let's say, less-than-capable hands (I really felt that way... sorry, not sorry) and drove to the other event, I felt the anxiety kick up a notch. All of a sudden, I remembered something someone had said to me. "Amina, when you trust, who do you really trust?" This is one of those obvious questions, that when you are muddled, seem impossible to answer. I have answered it numerous ways, "Myself" is the one I say the most. Since, I think that is what society expects me to say. I am supposed to be independent, I got this, I don't need anyone. I NEVER feel this way, but part of me thinks I am supposed to feel this way. And, it hit me, in the moment of hearing that question what the "right" answer is. So, I ask you to think about it for a moment. When you trust, who are you really trusting? Is it the other person? Is it yourself?
I realized, who I am really trusting is God. Even if I were to stay at the first event, there is no guarantee, that with me there, monitoring everything and having a plan B for every.single.thing, that something would not go wrong. There is no guarantee that I would do better than or be more successful than the person who was running the event, having nothing to do with our individual skills, but to do with fate, life, things happening, basically, everything that none of us can control. The person I am truly trusting is God. That is the power I put my trust in.
I have heard this numerous times. I have probably said it even more times, but until that moment, I don't think I truly got it. There is only one Source that any of us can completely, totally, utterly rely upon. It is not ourselves, we know that. We know the number of times, we swore we would not do something and 5 minutes later did it. We know how many times we have made mistakes. And, it is not other people, we know what it is like to be disappointed by counting on, expecting, other people to do something and they, for whatever reason, could not, did not, or chose not to. And, the times others let us down and the times we let ourselves down, hurt. They left a mark. Yes, they made us stronger, but for many of us, they also put another brick up on the impenetrable wall we have been building. They lead to us trusting less. However, when we realize, that each of us, ourselves and others, were just doing the best we could with the knowledge, awareness and resources we had at the time, we see, that is not a strong enough place to put full trust. Human are fallible. Its just a fact. We need to put our trust in something that is completely solid.
This brought me such peace. I offer this to you as a way to bring you peace. The next time you have a big meeting, a tough conversation, a negotiation, an apology, or have to leave the execution of an event to someone else, try shifting your trust from the other person or the outcome to the Source of all. Trust, that whatever is in your highest good is what will occur. Trust, that there is a power, so much greater than you, that has got all of this under control. Trust, that there is nothing for you "'to do".
When I got to event #2, I realized, I could put my phone on silent and I did not need to check it. I was sure, confident, that event #1 was going well. In fact, I knew it was. How could it not? I had left God in charge of it!
Hi! Welcome to my blog, Lunch with Cinderella. I love writing about my life experiences and the fact that they may help spur some cool experiences of your own. If you are here, leave a comment... I read them all and love hearing from you!
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