True confession - that affirmation is still aspirational for me. Currently, I base my happiness on a lot of external factors. The least of which include the weather, and the worst of which include other people (who, have you noticed, are totally unpredictable?). Today, I woke up in a great mood and within the first 10 minutes of my day I got information which immediately turned that happy into anxious, worried, and generally icky feelings. And, just like that, I lost my own happiness.
My new habit has been to start my day with a walk. As I got dressed to go, the general malaise feeling followed me and I found myself dragging my feet (for 30 minutes!) from getting out the house. A walk is a sure fire mood-shifter for me, but once in that ick state, it is hard to even do the things that I know will make me feel better! When I finally got walking, I was still lost in thoughts of worry. And, then I saw my daily Abraham Hicks quote jump up on my phone.
Tell everyone you know: “My happiness depends on me, so you’re off the hook.” And then demonstrate it. Be happy, no matter what they’re doing. Practice feeling good, no matter what. And before you know it, you will not give anyone else responsibility for the way you feel — and then, you’ll love them all. Because the only reason you don’t love them, is because you’re using them as your excuse to not feel good.
Excerpted from Asheville, NC on 4/30/05
And, there are days and moments, where sometimes just a simple reminder is all it takes to shift your mood. And, there are other days, where I can listen and read 100 of these before I feel a tiny, bit better. But, today, was the day where I just needed the reminder. And, I realized that I could feel ok, no matter what. It reminder me of my Non-suffering practice. It reminded me that I get to choose if and when to give up my Peace. It reminded me of Who I am Really Am and the power that is my ability to choose the way I want to show up in the world at all times.
Those of you who know me, know that I am into astrology. I just find so much of what they say to match my life experience. While I don't fully know it or study it extensively, I keep up with the eclipses and retrogrades. And, I know that July is going to be a full month of stuff - good stuff, big stuff, changing stuff, just stuff. For that reason, I thought this is a good time to remind myself of the fact that I can be happy no matter what. I get to make that choice. I do not have to give up my happiness based on another person and their personal drama, or an external event which I cannot control. I can be happy anyways. It is a really empowering feeling to know that I own my own happiness, and honestly, my own peace. They are mine and I get to stay in them (or lose them) based on what I decide. Don't let your mind fool you, like mine did this morning, and tell you that these things are out of your control. Take a moment to remind yourself of Who You Really Are and get your happy back!
I have been working on lessons of trust for... well... this lifetime. It is an area where I have a lot of good intention and an area where I get bumped off my path when the most minor thing goes "not according to plan" (the plan being my plan, not God's plan, hence the lesson in trust). And, over the past few months, I have been committed to working on surrendering. I did not tie that directly to trust, I tied it more to having peace of mind. However, what I have found in my process of surrendering is amazing examples of God making everything right by me. One example after the other.
I have had a difficult subject on my mind lately, having to do with trust. I want to trust. I know I should trust. I know that everything is working out for my greatest good. I KNOW all of this. But, the internal emotional feelings are one of pure fear. Not just fear, pure fear. Dread. Anxiety. Overwhelm. Feelings that I do not enjoy and like to get the heck out of as quickly as possible. However, I have been working on surrendering. One of the key steps, and the one I have often times tried to skip, is to sit with these "horrible" feelings and allow them the space they need to just be there. I have learned time and time again, the more openly I sit with them and allow them, the quicker they dissolve, whereas any amount of millions of activities to help make myself "feel better" only lead to temporarily forgetting (if I am lucky) followed by being stuck back in the same feelings over and over again until they pass. This time, I have made a conscious effort to just be with them without analyzing them, understanding them, fixing them, or running from them. It is actually a peaceful process if you can get to the place of disengaging your brain and just literally BEING in the feeling.
And, in each case, I have repeated what has become my new mantra - I could see peace instead of this or I choose peace. Both of them are a reminder of the commitment I have to myself that I am more committed to peace than to "figuring it out", "being right" or a big one for me, "knowing". This feeling of wanting to know, for me, is the polar opposite of trust. When I get into wanting to know, I am by default saying, I do not trust God to take care of me, so I need to know what is happening so I can plan to take care of myself. The funny part is, it sounds so logical and almost downright responsible to me. But, it robs me of so much peace. This need to take care of myself, to be in control, to know, it only leaves me with anxiety, self-doubt, and stress and never have I outsmarted God or the Universe with a better outcome then the one they had planned for me.
As you are moving through life, and you feel any of these feelings of discomfort, ask yourself, "how can I let the Universe handle this for me?" I have had some experiences lately, where I have not asked that question, but instead, decided (in some icky situations) to leave so that I could hold my peace and in a short period of time, remove my judgement of another person. And, the outcomes have been HILARIOUS! The good things that have shown up for me. The opportunities, the love, the grace of God, have been amazing. And, the weird (funny, not mean) things that have happened to the other person. I am starting to see that God knows how to handle every situation in the perfect way, and to make it right. And, if I don't get involved, God's way of making it right, is SO perfect. It is the right amount of validation for me, and the most amount of love for me and them. And... in the past few weeks, it has also brought me a good chuckle. Next time you are having a feeling of ick, thinking someone is doing you wrong, just hand it over to the Big Guns and get yourself back to peace and non-judgement as quickly as possible, and you can join in on the chuckles with me!
I have been working on manifesting a specific thing for months now, actually almost a year, and it is just not happening. And, it is frustrating because I KNOW how to manifest. And, I know how to make things happen. I know how to get clear and I know how to release and well... it is still just.not.happening. I coach people through situations like these, and I know, it will come at the time it will come, and in a way that we did not expect. It will feel like a complete and utter miracle when it happens. And, that got my thinking about miracles and how we give up on our desire a little too soon.
I have written about miracles before and defined them as something that happens in a way that is beyond our current comprehension as possible. It is based on what we currently believe is possible. If we do not believe it is possible, and it happens, we call it a miracle. And, each day, things happen that is beyond our belief! We watch videos of daring rescues and amazing feats. We hear stories of miraculous cures. Miracles are everywhere and when we get to see them in someone else's life, it lifts us and gives us hope. However, some of us are not able to see the miracle for one simple reason, we are not looking for miracles on a daily basis. And, while the miracles are happening, we do not have "the eyes to see" them. And, because we are not seeing them, we are so ready to give up, which can be good, sometimes it is a form of release. However, instead of giving up, we can grow miracle-minded!
How do you get the eyes to see miracles?
1. Celebrate the stories of miracles happening to others. When you hear a miraculous story, get super-excited and celebrate it! Then, remind yourself, if it can happen to them, it can happen to you and your miracle is happening right now!
2. Understand that you live in a vortex of miracles. Everything you need and that is aligned to your highest, spiritual path is already set up for you to receive. There is literally nothing you have to do to get it, other than stop rejecting it when it tries to come in (hee hee - easier said than done). So like a special order you have placed, remind yourself that the order has been placed and it will get here when it does, but it is definitely on its way!
3. Find evidence of your miracle right now. As humans, we are amazingly good at making up stories. We actually excel in taking normal, every day events and giving them deep meaning. Start taking a daily inventory of the things that happen to you and tell yourself the story that this is part of the miracle you have received. I love daydreaming stories of how things are working out for me and then looking for evidence that my story is true. Tell yourself, "I am a miracle magnet"; "Miracles find me"; and, "My life just gets easier and easier all the time". See what these affirmations, stories, and beliefs can create in your life!
Celebrating your upcoming miracle with you! I am partying like it is already here! Congratulations on deciding to be miracle-minded all the time! And... keep me posted on what miracles you create!
As I am sitting here starting to play Joy Challenge 2019, I have been thinking a lot about Flow, 0% effort, 100% return. It is the most magical feeling ever and I have been so lucky to experience it more often than not. But, there are times, where no matter how hard or not hard I try, I cannot seem to make it into that state of flow that I love so dearly. I started to think about what I do when I am not in flow. Because, of course, trying to get into flow is the #1 way to elude it.
I realized that when I am not in flow, I simply float. I remember floating a lot as a kid. When my mom got home from work in the summers, she would take me to the very large public pool. I LOVED to swim as a child and rarely got to go. Well, that is probably not true. I just did not get to go as much as I would have wanted to go - every day, all day long. No one in my neighborhood had a pool and I had to wait for my parents to come home from work to take me, which often times meant I was at the pool at 6 pm when there were almost no other kids there. I spent a lot of time making up dances in the pool to the 80s music that was blaring off the lifeguard's boom box and dreamt of being a lifeguard, so I could spend all day, every day at the pool. When I got tired of all that, I would simply lay on my back and float. I would notice how funny the music sounded as my ears were half under water, or how pretty the sky looked as the sun was lowering on the horizon. I would dream of my future, one far better than my current day reality, and well, float.
In the recent months, I have found myself returning to that feeling of float. I have definitely had moments of flow. They are always miraculous and amazing, but some combination of an extremely cold winter for this born-to-be-a-California-girl plus transitions in work plus life changes left me in a bit of a funk. I called it the Winter Blues, until I realized that was making me feel worse. That's when I realized, I am actually just floating. I have had a lot of these time periods in my life. Like, when I graduated college and decided to take the summer off to hang out in Europe while my Dad was stationed in Brussels before starting my cool big consulting company job. Sounds great, right? I worked at NATO in between fabulous trips to Italy, Greece, France, and around Belgium. What I did not realize was how lonely and sad I would be working at NATO. I had a college degree and a really prestigious job lined up when the summer ended. I was working as an Admin to a General and his regular Admin (a career Admin) hated me with a passion. To her, I was just a college kid whose Dad got her a job so she could travel around Europe.... which.... was true. She wanted nothing to do with me and worse, gave me the most menial tasks she could think of. Not only did she not see me as a bright, shining star, she acted like she did not see me at all. With only two of us working in a single office, it made for a particularly lonely day. But, I learned how to float.
Floating is an interesting skill, especially if you are doing it without water. When you are floating, you are there, but not really, you are in your own little world. You can hear sounds, like I did of the 80s music, but they are muffled, not clear and not fully getting in. You are focused on the sky and as such are not fully present to the current reality. I found myself sitting at my desk but I was not really there, not fully. Don't get me wrong, this is not a way to be for any extended period of time. But, it is a great way to be for a not-so-fun period of time. Because you can be there, and also be totally in your own wonderful bubble. And, you own wonderful bubble is a much better place to be then worried, trying to take anxious action, or blaming, complaining or getting back at someone else. These are all places that we all know is NOT helpful to be at. And, while what we really want is to get back into the flow, sometimes floating is a good first step to get there. Once I started floating, it was easy to sprinkle in some joy. I took a later lunch break and would watch General Hospital during lunch, which was my favorite back in those days. I volunteered to run all the errands, which got me out of the office and meeting other folks in NATO. And, of course, I spent any down time I did have, planning amazing European vacations which I took almost every other weekend. I found a lot of joy while floating.
As I prepare for Joy Challenge 2019, I found myself coming out of the float stage and just naturally doing things that bring me joy. We all know what happens next, right? Those little acts of joy is exactly how we get back into Flow! Next time you find yourself out of Flow, give yourself a break, turn over on your back, use no energy whatsoever and give Floating a try!
I have always been a huge fan of Valentine's Day, though, admittedly celebrated my fair share of Valentine's Days alone. My mom used to send me flowers each year on Valentine's Day because she knew how much I loved the holiday. Over the years, I have had numerous guy friends who would do something special with me on this day, send me something or take me out to a casual dinner, just to help me celebrate a holiday I so dearly loved. And, now, that I see my life through the eyes of love, I am able to appreciate all of these gestures on a whole 'nother level!
One of my favorite blog posts was about the Valentine's Day that I decided to be my own valentine. And... I LOVE Valentine's Day so that meant roses, chocolate, romantic dinner overlooking the ocean, the works. Oh, and an amazing card with the Eifel Tower on the front and when you opened it, La Vie en Rose played (I still have it). Within a week of that Valentine's Day, I had met my now husband. And, if you read the post, you will see how painful it was for me to order the roses (I was so embarrassed!). Another realization I was having at that time was that I was SURROUNDED by love. Ok, I wanted a boyfriend, and to be truly, madly, deeply in love, and well, was no where near that, but I had so much love in my life. From family and friends, to total strangers on the street who were so kind to me, co-workers who cared, and even folks in the service industry I interacted with regularly who were so happy to see me and get me a cup of coffee or a green juice. I was surrounded by love everywhere I looked. In hindsight, it is not at all shocking that I found my truly, madly, deeply love shortly thereafter. I was already vibrating love, loved, and in love. Its a well known fact that "in-love" people, even if you are just vibing it without the actual partner, are irresistible!
In A Course in Miracles it talks about how our goal is not to reach for love, but to remove all the obstacles we have placed between us and Who We Really Are, which is Love. You are Love. What would your life be like if you started acting in accordance with Who You Really Are? What would change if you walked around BEING Love? What opportunities might you see, that have always been there? What experiences would you have by being totally true to yourself, your true nature? And, how many other lives would you change by showing up in this world as Love? We sometimes forget that our Truth is that we come from the Ultimate Source of Love. We were created by the Ultimate Source of Love. And, who we are, is Love. We are surrounded by love at all times in every situation, even when our momentary perspective puts blinders on our eyes. We are still surrounded by love.
This Valentine's Day, I invite you to remember the truth about yourself. I invite you to walk through the day BEING love. All the things that love are for you - be that in your daily interactions. Be kind, caring, thoughtful, giving, receiving, fun, happy, joyous, supportive, nurturing. Be Love in every one of your interactions. You could ask yourself, WWLD? What would Love do in this situation? The more you act like Love, the easier it will be to remember that that is your truth. And, the more your are interacting with Love, the more love you attract to yourself. Be the Love you wish to receive and watch the miracles unfold.
Have you ever gone grocery shopping without a list or started a project without making sure you have all the materials (or started cooking without making sure you had all the ingredients?) I have. A lot. Often. I think I am moving faster, but in most cases, I have to re-do, re-start, break the flow, and everything takes longer. I am pretty sure that is why I married my husband. He never makes a move until he has thought it out all the way, has all the materials he needs, and has thought through the likely scenarios of what may come up. Wow!
I have learned a few things on this latest journey of taking ownership and responsibility of my decision to suffer. One of the biggest things I learned, is that I rely to heavily on the feedback of others. I actually love this about myself. I love hearing different perspectives and seeing things differently. I also know for a fact that I am so unsure of what I am doing. I have made decisions that I was 100% confident and SURE were right, that turned out to be hugely misguided and based on some unconscious unmet need versus my true nature. I have passed on opportunities that I was 100% sure were all wrong, only to be shown later, that they came from a place of deep love and respect and deserved to be at least considered. Knowing my own imperfectness, I looked often to others for their thoughts. But this shifted this year as I worked on my practice of non-suffering. You see, in order to not suffer, I had to change the way I saw everything that happened to me. And, I had to see it completely different than how any conventional wisdom would teach me to see it. In order to do that, I had to stop sharing and telling others about what was happening because 1) if I was talking about it, I was suffering over it and 2) even if I felt good about it, when I told others, they would say something that would make me question myself and thus start another cycle of suffering. In order to stop suffering, I had to stop giving events air time in my life. Internally in my head and externally in the form of telling others what happened and asking for their thoughts and perspectives about it.
I also learned to have more discernment in whose advice I listened to. I wrote a blog post about who to follow and why. I realized upon signing up for a class, that I tend to sign up for classes with people who I see consistently, walking their talk. No one is perfect and the teachers I follow tend to talk about the things they are working on and perfecting, just as much as the things they are rocking and getting right. Authenticity. And, the person who is Remembering Who They Really Are. Because, when I spend time in the company of people who Remember Who They Really Are, I naturally Remember Who I Really Am. They create an environment where that naturally happens for me. In Who to Follow and Why, I suggested some questions to ensure the person whose advice you are taking is doing their own spiritual work. Both of these are essential to consider before allowing outside influences in to your inter-alignment process.
As this year ends, I have noticed I am talking to God a lot more. I am talking about all kinds of stuff. Whether I should try a new recipe or just make the one I always make. Whether I should let the cleaning lady bring someone with her or tell her to come alone. Whether I should take a big trip I want to take or wait longer. Whether I should reach out to offer consulting support or wait and see what flows in. Being in flow, which is my favorite way to be, requires aligning yourself with a higher power. Whatever you call the Higher Power, the key is to align internally to that higher vibration, that higher plane, and get a higher perspective. In my blog, Puzzle Pieces, I talked about how to create the things I want in my life, they are not from using the same puzzle pieces and making them fit, but by opening up and allowing more in to create a bigger, better outcome.
Finally, the last reason for focusing on Inner-alignment is because you are currently Whole and Complete. You have everything you need, right now, inside yourself, to create whatever is the highest, best outcome. I love the opening of A Course in Miracles, which talks about the goal of ACIM. It is not to teach love, because that is something that cannot be taught, but instead, to remove your barriers to love. That is so true about each of us. There is nothing to fix about ourselves or improve, only to remove the barriers, the hurts, the suffering, that keep us from being the amazing human beings that we TRULY are already.
As we step into 2019, this is my prayer for us all
Dear God -
As we move forward, guide our steps, our words and our actions.
Remind us often of Who We Are and Why We Are Here.
Remind us that love is enough.
Remind us that us being our true, authentic self is what the world needs the most.
Where we have fear, replace it with faith.
Where we have judgement, replace it with discernment and knowledge.
Where we have anger, replace it with true sight.
Where we have pain and suffering, replace it with miracles.
Let us not judge ourselves or others.
Let us see the truth of Who each person we encounter Really Is, so that we may remember Who We Really Are.
When we walk away from another or a situation, let us leave with love in our heart and with kindness, under your direction.
When we get triggered, remind us to pause before acting.
When we feel hurt, allow our own self compassion and your love to wash over our wounds and heal them.
Grant us our heart's desires and more than we ever imagined possible, so that we may give more than we ever thought possible.
Ease the burden of every human around the world and allow us to be of use to end suffering for all.
This year, give us the strength to be the men and women we are capable of being so that we may do the work that so desperately needs to be done to uplift the planet and each creature on it.
Use us for the greatest good of all. Use our gifts, our talents, and our strengths. Heal our weaknesses and our wounds so that we may shine brighter and be the miracle for each other.
So it is and so it shall be.
This past year, I had an amazing opportunity to take an 8-week course on Self-Compassion. I was excited, knowing I would learn some cool things that I could pass along to others. You can imagine my dismay when I had to repeat week 1 of the course before being able to move to week 2. "I failed Week 1 of Self-Compassion", was the victim-based thought that went through my mind. However, in reality, the teacher was much more interested in me experiencing self- compassion than being able to mentally regurgitate the correct answers on a worksheet. And, this started a now, 9 week, journey into Self-Compassion that was truly transformational.
While self-compassion is by no means a new word, it does not seem to get the same air time as its cousins self-love and self-care. While I believe it is how a word makes you feel, the vibration, the images, and the feelings it conjures that is more important than the dictionary definition, I did spend some time distinguishing these words. Self-compassion to me is a complete acceptance of Who You Really Are as well as your flaws, weaknesses, and wounds that you received by traveling through this thing we call Life. Self-Love is you ability to truly, completely, and unconditionally love yourself, knowing Who You Really Are as well as your flaws, weaknesses, and wounds. And, self-care, is your ability to take a time out, pause, and take a moment for yourself to re-ground and Remember Who You Really Are, in the moments where you forget. I believe Self-Compassion is the process to get to Self-Love, and Self-Care are the moment to moment actions you take to reinforce the mindset of Self-Compassion. They are all linked and create a process that leads to less suffering in this life.
I remember in my 20s, when I was trying to meet Mr. Wonderful, and kept having one let down after another, people used to tell me, "you have to love yourself first before someone can love you the way you want to be loved." It sounded like great advice. So, I would sit in front of the mirror and stare deep into my eyes and tell myself I love you. Then, I would look myself over and name things I loved about myself. As time passed, and still no Mr. Wonderful, I wondered why this process hadn't worked. "I love myself. I told myself so in the mirror! What else do I need to do?!?!" I needed to accept Who I Really Am and love that person, the one with the flaws and weaknesses. I needed to stop hiding the parts of me that I had not accepted and instead give them space and allow them to be. I needed to realize that the way other people see me is their perception, based on their life experiences, and does not truly reflect anything about me. These were lessons that were yet to come in my life. And, as you can imagine, when they started coming, just the mere beginnings of them, I not only found true love, but I found myself waiting to be loved by me.
One of the agreements of this Self-Compassion course I took is to turn around and teach it others. That is what we are doing in my subscription group and for the month of January, in Adventures with Amina. I am excited to take what I learned and what I experienced and share it with you all. I have seen subtle shifts in my life over the past few months that have led to more peace and less suffering. If you feel like you have made the big shifts and done the big work, I would highly recommend this course. Its like the tiny, thin, washer, when you are putting together furniture that does not seem to have a purpose, yet, is the one thing that makes everything come together in a stronger, more sturdy, more reliable way. That is how I see self-compassion. The necessary component that makes all the other components of your life work so much better.
I had a huge ah ha moment, one that is a pretty obvious one with Law of Attraction circles, the other day. I was participating in The Good Vibe University's 7 Day Receiving Challenge, and on one day, in the video, we were being asked to open up to all the opportunities that are always being offered to us. That, most of us, most of the time, have confined ourselves to a small box of possibility, and we do not have all the things we want. In order to get our BIG wishes, we have to expand that box.
I noodled on that all day as I opened myself up to see where the Universe is offering me bread crumbs in the direction of my dream. It was knocking around in my head all day. That night, as I was going to sleep, all of a sudden, I realized something! I have a picture in mind of what I want (my vision), and I have a handful of puzzle pieces. I keep using these puzzle pieces to create my vision and they do.not.work (argh)! But, of course they don't work! They are not all the right pieces. Some of them are, some of them are pieces to someone else's puzzle that I have the opportunity to give away and help someone else's dream come true, and I am missing some pieces, that are not here, yet.
Have you ever tried to make one of those really hard puzzles. And, you think you found a piece that "should" fit and you try to ram it in and it does not fit? How often do we do that with life? We know what we want, but the puzzle pieces in front of us won't give us that, so we duck tape pieces together, ram them together, or just sit there and lament about the puzzle pieces we have. In reality, the pieces for the picture we want are on their way, or maybe even right under our nose (did you check under the table to see if it fell down there) but we are not seeing it, because we are too focused on a handful of pieces and making those specific pieces work.
After realizing this, and it was a huge ah ha. I was laying in bed and when I saw this, I felt a mix of pure excitement and relief. And, then I felt a little silly, because I KNOW this already! In Law of Attraction, you focus on what you want, and leave the how to the higher power. In spiritual principle, you ask to be used for the highest good and to be directed by the higher power. In no principle, except our insanity as humans (I love that about us) does it suggest that you sit down and try to figure your entire life out with a pencil and a piece of paper. The one thing we know that does not work is us trying to be the mastermind.
This is such good news. It is the kind of news, where you can fall back in your chair, and let out the breathe you are holding and say, ah. There is nothing for you to do. There is nothing for you to figure out. You will get the puzzle pieces you need at the right time. And, the fastest, quickest, best way to get those puzzle pieces is to:
1. Be clear about what YOU want - your vision
2. Be grateful for the pieces you have (even those that don't belong to you and need to be returned, like debt, illness, lack of opportunities in your field of expertise, etc). After all, not all puzzle pieces are the preemo corner pieces, but together, all of the pieces make the picture.
3. TRUST that the puzzle pieces you want and need are in your immediate vicinity. Not just on their way to you. But, right here, as you do #1 and #2, you will have the eyes to see thm (as my friend, Ming Chee would say).
Final Thought: I go back and forth about the idea that Life is Hard. There are many days, that I do not believe that at all. I certainly have a ton of evidence in my own experience that shows that life is easy, magical, and constantly surprising me with goodness. However, I do like the thought of elbow grease. I like the idea that we are not put here to have things fall in our lap (all the time, but a lot of the time, yes!). That instead, we are here to push ourselves to growth. It is not that the puzzle pieces are being kept from you, but that you are being asked to reach a little, to sing a little, to prioritize your joy a little more, to be more grateful. At the end of the day, I do not believe we are here to get what we want but instead to become the men and women we are capable of being. To grow, to expand, to stretch. Not in a painful way, though, in moments, it may be uncomfortable, but that discomfort is what makes the attainment of that puzzle piece all the more sweeter!
I am here to be of service. Use me today to be the best me I can be. May I be helpful. May I spread love. May my life be helpful to another. I know that as I walk the earth with this attitude, that all the things I want and need will magnetize themselves towards me and find me. I no longer worry about what I do not have, what is missing, where I need more. I understand that the human condition is one in which we always believe we need more, we are Strivers, and while that can cause our pain and suffering, it also causes us to create and be better. Today, instead of striving, I show up for myself and my life with the puzzle pieces I have and say, I am so grateful. I trust and know that whatever I need to grow and improve myself and my life is always being offered to me in the perfect way at the perfect time. And, so it is.
I am a recovering control-freak. And, though, I am not sure you can recover from this condition, I take minuscule, almost non-noticeable baby-steps in the direction of Trust. The other day, I was in a tough situation. I am sure you can relate to this, needing to be in two places at the same time. The place where you want to be and the place where you need to be in order to keep all havoc from breaking loose, or at least, being able to quickly get things back on track when they go off track. I was anxious. I was nervous. I had to trust someone to handle something who had a so-so track record.
As I drove away from one event, leaving it in, let's say, less-than-capable hands (I really felt that way... sorry, not sorry) and drove to the other event, I felt the anxiety kick up a notch. All of a sudden, I remembered something someone had said to me. "Amina, when you trust, who do you really trust?" This is one of those obvious questions, that when you are muddled, seem impossible to answer. I have answered it numerous ways, "Myself" is the one I say the most. Since, I think that is what society expects me to say. I am supposed to be independent, I got this, I don't need anyone. I NEVER feel this way, but part of me thinks I am supposed to feel this way. And, it hit me, in the moment of hearing that question what the "right" answer is. So, I ask you to think about it for a moment. When you trust, who are you really trusting? Is it the other person? Is it yourself?
I realized, who I am really trusting is God. Even if I were to stay at the first event, there is no guarantee, that with me there, monitoring everything and having a plan B for every.single.thing, that something would not go wrong. There is no guarantee that I would do better than or be more successful than the person who was running the event, having nothing to do with our individual skills, but to do with fate, life, things happening, basically, everything that none of us can control. The person I am truly trusting is God. That is the power I put my trust in.
I have heard this numerous times. I have probably said it even more times, but until that moment, I don't think I truly got it. There is only one Source that any of us can completely, totally, utterly rely upon. It is not ourselves, we know that. We know the number of times, we swore we would not do something and 5 minutes later did it. We know how many times we have made mistakes. And, it is not other people, we know what it is like to be disappointed by counting on, expecting, other people to do something and they, for whatever reason, could not, did not, or chose not to. And, the times others let us down and the times we let ourselves down, hurt. They left a mark. Yes, they made us stronger, but for many of us, they also put another brick up on the impenetrable wall we have been building. They lead to us trusting less. However, when we realize, that each of us, ourselves and others, were just doing the best we could with the knowledge, awareness and resources we had at the time, we see, that is not a strong enough place to put full trust. Human are fallible. Its just a fact. We need to put our trust in something that is completely solid.
This brought me such peace. I offer this to you as a way to bring you peace. The next time you have a big meeting, a tough conversation, a negotiation, an apology, or have to leave the execution of an event to someone else, try shifting your trust from the other person or the outcome to the Source of all. Trust, that whatever is in your highest good is what will occur. Trust, that there is a power, so much greater than you, that has got all of this under control. Trust, that there is nothing for you "'to do".
When I got to event #2, I realized, I could put my phone on silent and I did not need to check it. I was sure, confident, that event #1 was going well. In fact, I knew it was. How could it not? I had left God in charge of it!
For the past few years, each time I hit a bump in the road, it was suggested I go to a Vipassana. A vipassana is a very specific 10 day silent meditation. Each time, I agreed. And, yet, I found the idea of being still and quiet for 10 days as a form of torture. In A Course in Miracles, it talks about the healing to your disease being the one thing you think would kill you. In this case, I am pretty sure I would not survive no talking, no texting, no writing and no reading for 10 days... what would I do? I would have to sit with myself for 10 whole days and get to see that I am whole and complete, without interaction with others.
I have plenty of folks in my life who would LOVE being quiet, and uninterrupted with themselves for 10 days. I am CLEARLY not one of them. In the process of working my way up to a Vipassana (which I still have not done, even though I promised myself I would in 2018, for which there are about 40 days left...), I started doing tiny, itsy, bitsy baby steps in the right direction. Like, walking the Camino de Santiago, not alone, but for large portions of the whole day, I stayed in silence with myself. And, using the practice of WAIT - Why Am I Talking? When my mouth opened and words were tumbling over each other to fly out at lightening speeds, sometimes, I was able to catch myself, and ask if I really needed to be talking at this moment. I cannot tell you how many times I realized that the world will still turn without my two cents on the current situation. I, often times, sprinted into my bedroom and closed the door with a good book versus gave into thoughts of suffering or control or figuring out how to "manage" a situation. I decided to just disengage with the drama and engage with the drama of a good book instead. I share these because they helped build up to the latest moment.
I was sitting at a meeting at Unity, which is a spiritual group that focuses on loving and uplifting everyone, wherever they are, whatever they believe and spreading more love and acceptance in the world. Last Sunday, when we walked in, we were given a slip of paper and asked to write our first name on the paper and put it in a basket. A little later, the basket was passed around and we were asked to take a slip of paper. My paper said, "Ian". All week, we were asked to pray, thank, and send good energy to this person. Someone in the room had a piece of paper that said, "Amina". Well, Ian is in for a treat, because this activity is SO AMINA! I tucked his name into my cell phone cover and have at least 10 times a day sent him a prayer, a good thought, a hope for amazingly, good to come into his life. And, the key here is that I have NO IDEA who Ian is. I looked around to see if I could figure it out, but then I stopped myself. I do not need to know Ian to wish him all the good the world has to offer. And, that is when it hit me at another level. I love this place. I love this practice. I have found a place that fills me with peace and love and happiness. I love the practices. I love the concepts. This is SO AMINA. And, that is the big epiphany. Things being SO AMINA.
I realized, I have spent a lot of time trying to get someone else to see how cool things are and not realizing, that things are great, because I think they are great. I do not need anyone else to get it, see it, understand it, or agree with me. I love explaining and sharing my experience and what I have learned, but in that moment, I realized, I really do not need one other person to get it. All of a sudden, I flashed back to being a little girl. And, I remember KNOWING that being kind, being generous, not "protecting" yourself, even if you were attacked, going the extra mile, turning the other cheek, was the best way through life. I knew, as a small child, that LOVE truly is the answer. And, as I got older, I learned things that were counter to this belief, and I worked really hard to take what I was learning about getting ahead and being successful, and combining it with what I knew to be true, you can get ahead by helping others and by being honest, and kind and authentic. And, I was tortured often. The world kept telling me that I had to defend myself and stick up for myself. When, I did. I ended up feeling better in a moment, but the guilt of "sticking it" to someone would come crashing over me.
In that moment, that I was given someone's name, who I did not know to pray for, something clicked. There are so many people in the world that would rather take the long road, the harder path, the steeper hill, to be aligned to what they believe in. To be true to themselves. Even if it is harder. Even if no one gets them. There are so many people who would pray for someone they do not know, just to add a little more love and kindness to the world. There are a lot of people who are JUST LIKE ME! Who I am and who I have always been is wonderful. I have worked hard over the past 10 years to remove the layers of guilt and the beliefs that clouded the natural light of who I am. And, I am proud that each day I move a little closer to being me. The real me with all my wonderful qualities, and all my cracks and weaknesses. I am moving to a place where I do not feel the need to hide or fix the parts that are not perfect, but fill them with love, like the ancient practice of repairing pottery with gold, so that the cracks are filled with gold and in repairing, create a new beautiful piece of artwork.
This self acceptance and self compassion starts with kindness. When you are kind to yourself, it is easier to be kind to others. And, sometimes being kind to others, helps you start your own practice of being kind to yourself. Self compassion and kindness are big for me these days. Being kind is the best gift you can give yourself. When you help another person, the impact to your own self is immeasurable. When someone wants to snap out of a bad mood, I tell them to go do something nice for someone else. It is an instant mood cure. Even though you are doing for another, what you are actually doing, is reinforcing the truth about yourself - that you have enough, that you are whole, that you are full. See, you cannot give if you are empty. The mere action of giving to another, reinforces to yourself, how full you really are. This holiday season, we are doing 30 random acts of kindness. They are small and powerful. I hope you will join us in this practice. It is a way to infuse the end of the year with powerful energy that will help you remember how amazing, wonderful, full and complete you truly are! To join us, go to https://www.facebook.com/groups/kind30/
Hi! Welcome to my blog, Lunch with Cinderella. I love writing about my life experiences and the fact that they may help spur some cool experiences of your own. If you are here, leave a comment... I read them all and love hearing from you!
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